Wow! Great words of wisdom from Chris yesterday and spot on for me. I am strung a little too tight- my strings do break again and again and this relates directly back to my quest for wellness. A-ha!
Special thanks to the encouraging comments and feedback regarding my blog post over the weekend. It was a painful exercise but I got more out of it than I could have imagined. The thoughts fellow recruits channeled back my way were amazing and very, very helpful. I got the "situation" out of my head and I could really think about steps to make it better...not perfect...just better.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
A WHOLE Hour a day- for ME?!
Part of my struggle with wellness is my need to nurture just about everyone but myself. I am very willing to give up time to do something for myself in order to do something for someone else. And while I do see the positive side of this (I think it makes me a good wife, step mom, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, co-worker, and friend), I also see the huge disadvantage it is for my personal well being (and my ability to be an awesome wife, step mom, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, co-worker and friend). So one of the biggest challenges I faced this week is the guilt, disappointment, doubt, feeling of selfishness and emotional fatigue. I only have so much time and I am faced with a lot of guilt when I choose to spend that time on myself. This is affectionately referred to as being "terminally responsible" in my family.
Last October I moved my 94 year old Grandmother here from Pennsylvania and into a memory care facility here in Center Grove. I am the only family member who lives within 3 hours of here so all the visiting falls on me and "my boys" (my husband and stepson). This is a huge factor in my ability to balance taking care of me and taking care everyone else. I mean how can you NOT make sure your GRANDMA is 100% happy? I think the first month of the Project worked out OK because the retirement home was under quarantine with the flu for about 2 weeks last month so it was one thing I did not have to do and although I did feel bad about not visiting, I knew there was nothing I could do about it. This past week my Grandmother has been very upset (unusal behavior) and wants to move in with family. She has threatened to stop eating if she cannot do so- the guilt and emotional fatigue have grown significantly. I did CHOOSE to workout Thursday evening after work instead of going to visit her- it was a small victory, I think, I am really not sure.
The other item that is pulling at me is my sister is in the process of separating from her husband. It has not been an easy separation (not that I think any of them are easy) and there are 2 1/2 year old twins involved. My sister and I always lean on each other. She in fact was a major supporter in me signing up for the Project. I of course feel the intense need to do whatever I can to support her and I will- but there is cost for that. But does that cost have to include my well being? Again, I am not sure.
Today's meeting did help remind me that part of growing is getting through these challenges- it really is about the journey. I know taking care of my well being puts me in a better place to handle "life's speed bumps" and I do want that. I have to get over the emotional impact of me making those choices and that is the hard part.
This easy to write- hard to push the "publish" button... but I believe in this community and the strength I will gain from this. Thanks for reading...here I go...
Last October I moved my 94 year old Grandmother here from Pennsylvania and into a memory care facility here in Center Grove. I am the only family member who lives within 3 hours of here so all the visiting falls on me and "my boys" (my husband and stepson). This is a huge factor in my ability to balance taking care of me and taking care everyone else. I mean how can you NOT make sure your GRANDMA is 100% happy? I think the first month of the Project worked out OK because the retirement home was under quarantine with the flu for about 2 weeks last month so it was one thing I did not have to do and although I did feel bad about not visiting, I knew there was nothing I could do about it. This past week my Grandmother has been very upset (unusal behavior) and wants to move in with family. She has threatened to stop eating if she cannot do so- the guilt and emotional fatigue have grown significantly. I did CHOOSE to workout Thursday evening after work instead of going to visit her- it was a small victory, I think, I am really not sure.
The other item that is pulling at me is my sister is in the process of separating from her husband. It has not been an easy separation (not that I think any of them are easy) and there are 2 1/2 year old twins involved. My sister and I always lean on each other. She in fact was a major supporter in me signing up for the Project. I of course feel the intense need to do whatever I can to support her and I will- but there is cost for that. But does that cost have to include my well being? Again, I am not sure.
Today's meeting did help remind me that part of growing is getting through these challenges- it really is about the journey. I know taking care of my well being puts me in a better place to handle "life's speed bumps" and I do want that. I have to get over the emotional impact of me making those choices and that is the hard part.
This easy to write- hard to push the "publish" button... but I believe in this community and the strength I will gain from this. Thanks for reading...here I go...
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Hotel Meditation ROCKS!
I have found the silver lining to BTWG on the road- hotel meditation! I could totally focus! No dryer buzzer going off, or thinking of something to add to the grocery/errand list, no doggie playtime noises echoing all over the houses- ahhhhhh! Nice!
Sorry I missed the meeting on Saturday- I have been fighting some sort of bug. I actually slept through most of the meeting! I hope everyone had a good recovery week!
Month 2- BRING IT ON!
Sorry I missed the meeting on Saturday- I have been fighting some sort of bug. I actually slept through most of the meeting! I hope everyone had a good recovery week!
Month 2- BRING IT ON!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tales from the road
I am out on my first business trip since starting BTWG and so far it has been OK. I was totally excited to loose my "safety net" of measuring cups, measuring spoons and scale just to challenge myself. I printed out the Subway nutrition info (you can find Subway everywhere and you can control ingredients was my logic) and I printed out the breakfast menu for the restaurant I knew I was meeting someone for a breakfast meeting. I pack (in my checked bag) almonds, raisins and LARA bars. Then, off to the airport...
I do not have the new Indy airport down yet. I feel out of my element. I could not find Subway, is there no Subway anymore in the airport? I decide to wait till I get to my gate to tackle the food challenge. I get there, it 1:30 pm and I am passing the "3" on the hunger scale and heading for a "2". There is Starbucks and Cold Stone Creamery by my gate- seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I kinda felt like I as on a BTWG game show where I had to find something healthy to eat in all the junk and the clock was ticking......
I found peanuts- 200 calories for about 1/4 cup and yes they had salts. I know, I got voted off the game show. I did only eat about 1/4 cup though. Lesson here: pack snack in your carryon bag! Duh!
Cannot find Subway at O'Hare either...
Long story short, I make it to Kansas City and no one gets hurt.
Today is easier- I little more control. I did order a salad at Panera for lunch and I knew upon first bite the dressing was loaded with sugar. I have had no sugar for 3 weeks so I have to say my taste buds did get a little excited. Once I checked the calories it was not tooooo bad- 520 for the whole salad. I will need to work on the lunch with franchisees thing- you do not know where or when you are going so I will need to try and control this a little more.
Subway salad for dinner- no cheese, no dressing and an apple.
Ahhh, Day 1 of travel eating accomplished. Now off for travel yoga and meditation...
I do not have the new Indy airport down yet. I feel out of my element. I could not find Subway, is there no Subway anymore in the airport? I decide to wait till I get to my gate to tackle the food challenge. I get there, it 1:30 pm and I am passing the "3" on the hunger scale and heading for a "2". There is Starbucks and Cold Stone Creamery by my gate- seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I kinda felt like I as on a BTWG game show where I had to find something healthy to eat in all the junk and the clock was ticking......
I found peanuts- 200 calories for about 1/4 cup and yes they had salts. I know, I got voted off the game show. I did only eat about 1/4 cup though. Lesson here: pack snack in your carryon bag! Duh!
Cannot find Subway at O'Hare either...
Long story short, I make it to Kansas City and no one gets hurt.
Today is easier- I little more control. I did order a salad at Panera for lunch and I knew upon first bite the dressing was loaded with sugar. I have had no sugar for 3 weeks so I have to say my taste buds did get a little excited. Once I checked the calories it was not tooooo bad- 520 for the whole salad. I will need to work on the lunch with franchisees thing- you do not know where or when you are going so I will need to try and control this a little more.
Subway salad for dinner- no cheese, no dressing and an apple.
Ahhh, Day 1 of travel eating accomplished. Now off for travel yoga and meditation...
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