Lopsided

Hello fellow BTWGers-

I cannot believe it has been so long since my last post! I am definitely caught up in the current of summer. I thought summer would be so "easy" but instead it has been b-u-s-y.
Like Sherri I have been half on, half off. I have maintained my weight for the most part (I lost a little over vacation- more on that later). Eating has been pretty good but exercise has been random. Overall I was happy being in my "summer mode", thinking some things through and knowing that this is a process and not a race.
Thank goodness it is not a race because I have broken my foot. Yes, the day before vacation with my yoga mats packed for lakeside practice and my walking stick in the trunk for fantastic woodland walks I missed a step in the garage and broke the 5th metatarsal on my right foot. I did not know it was broken for 2 days- I was shaking off like a good BTWG gal and thought it was just a sprain, but it was not to be. So I am now wearing the fancy boot- you know the one- reminiscent of ancient ski books but with Velcro instead of metal clasps. I am still planning on working out doing what I can and of course watching my eating. I am a little bummed because I had signed up to do 5K with my sister on August 15th and, unless Cyndi carries me (hmmmm....), that likely will not happen. So I am still half on, half off. I can say that crutches are a great upper body workout- I may do a video! That is how I think I managed to lose 6 pounds on vacation- that and tricep dipping my way up the steps one night!
I have been very bummed to miss the BTWG meetings on Saturday- you all are such a great way to spend a Saturday morning! I hope to join you next week!

Weeding My Garden

After Saturday's meeting I came home and started working on things around the house- first on the list- weeding the vegetable garden. While trying to free my precious cucumber plants from the choke of weeds, I realized I needed to weed the garden in my mind. Negative comments people make are like weeds in your mind. They choke out the good stuff and take over a perfectly good garden. So I decided I need to "weed" more and remove things that are not helpful so that the good stuff can be cultivated. I think it will be helpful for me to think of analogy. Maybe it will helpful to someone else also.
Thanks to everyone for the positive support and good conversation at the meeting.

Shout Out To Our Fearless Leader!

Speaking of inspiration...good luck Chris in your event tomorrow! I am sure you will do great! May the wind always be to your back and all the hills downhill!

Inspiration

These are my twin nieces, Briggs and Lily. Today they turn three years old and I have to say that in their short time on the planet, they have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have had some pretty amazing women as role models in my life, now I hope to "pay it forward". Wellness is one part of that- a big part. My wish for them is pride in their bodies always, no matter what. Someday I will teach them jump squats. But until then Happy Birthday Brigsy-boo and Lilybug!

Getting Dirty- Space and Rabbit Holes

Still after 14 weeks, I am amazed by all the baggage that keeps cropping up. I definitely have had some "space" open up. It is an eye opening experience bringing clarity to some behaviors and making me really examine some others. I cannot say I am enjoying the process. I find it interesting, but painful. I guess I knew some of these deep, dark rabbit holes were out there but there have been some I really was not cognitive of until I was laying in the bottom of them kind of bewildered. Raw, open wounds from past relationships, 30 years of hearing about how to manage my weight (from both people who have weight problems themselves and people who have never had to be concerned about their weight- these would be my parents), emotional eating because I am pissed at the people who lecture me about my weight (how wrong is that), no postitive reinforcement from these same people when I was managing my weight in times past, and an overwhelming need to be all things to all people all the time. Yuck. I feel a little guilty (surprise, surprise) because earlier in the Project, Kelly posted about running into these sorts of things and in a moment of blog bravado, my comment was to stick some dynamite down those rabbit holes and blow them wide open and face it head on. Wow- pretty damn cocky. I apologize Kelly. I realize now it is not that easy...definitely messy and I am really not sure what to do with some of it now that I dug it up.

Plug for Local Service

First I just want to say I am not an investor nor do I get any kick backs- I just have recently tried this service and enjoyed it so I thought I'd pass it on.

Several weeks ago Chris posted several options for those looking for community supported agriculture (csa) in Indy. One of the options was Farm Fresh Delivery at farmfreshdelivery.com. I have been using them for two weeks and I find their pricing competitive, their selection great and the service outstanding. Unlike typical csa, you can customize your produce order and you can add on non produce items also. Almost everything is organic and they source locally when possible. Their meat selection is amazing- I have not tried it yet but they recently added biodynamic beef from southern Indiana (I know I love biodynamic wine so how bad can beef be?). So far, the produce has been exceptional.

You know ahead of time the produce you are getting so you can plan accordingly. You also can order every week or every other week and suspend orders when you are out of town, etc. No contracts or anything so you can cancel at any time. If you can get 5 orders going to your office you can save an additional 5% on your order.

I am still up in the air about delivery and being ecofriendly but I figure buying locally can only help. If you have thoughts on this I would be interested in hearing them.

I still plan on planting my own organic veggie garden this summer but this will be a nice backup when the rabbits get first pick!

For These Women, I Walk

10 years ago today I was in Atkinson, IL with my boyfriend’s (now my husband) family. His Mom had fought cancer for 7 years- starting with breast cancer but finally spreading to her lungs. Her condition had worsened and everyone gathered at Dave’s parent’s home. I hardly knew Dave’s Mom, Sallye. Dave and I started dating in August and I had met her for the first time in October but I did know she had given this fight her all. Now, she was unconscious from morphine in a hospital bed in the living room of her home. Sallye continued to fight until her all of her children made it home and her older sister came down from Wisconsin and then she passed with her family around her.

My Aunt Peggy also fought the fight for well over 10 years. She lost her beautiful blond hair that I loved to comb when I was a little girl but she never lost her gusto for life. Nothing stopped her. She traveled everywhere, volunteered at the elementary school down the street, raised a son, and gardened- all with no complaints. Her feet would be the size of footballs after chemo but she would put on slippers and just keep going. She had lost her husband to cancer 16 years prior and now was faced leaving her son with no parents but she was never bitter or angry. She lived everyday happy and fulfilled- an amazing lesson that I need to keep closer to my heart.

And the AMAZING survivors I know: Linda Gilkerson, my Aunt Betty Jo, Glenda Forgan, and LuAnn Linker- all incredible testaments of courage and strong will. I feel fortunate to know so many survivors, women who remind me on a daily basis that cancer does not have to be a death sentence and that you can overcome. It also reminds me that breast cancer does not discriminate, no one is immune and I must be diligent in protecting and educating myself. I turned 40 last August and I will have my first mammogram later this spring.

I hope I am never faced with cancer of any sort. I know that my progress towards wellness the past 13 weeks is a huge benefit in prevention. But if I am faced with something, I only hope I can call on the spirit of all these women to overcome the challenge. It is in honor of these women, and all women like them, that I walk the Race for the Cure on Saturday.

Cliche but true...

Gently used healthy eating books sold at Half Price Books: $4.50
New Shoes at The Running Company: $130.00
Going through the BTWG Experience with this community: Priceless

Thank you all for making this experience everything it has been to date. I know this community and Chris' guidance made all the difference.

Shin Splints

Can someone give me the "411" on shin splints. I get them all the time and I really hate them. I have new shoes from Running Co so I am hoping that helps. I am trying to be more consistent with stretching. Any other tips?

Love You Man!

I really love this community! It's weird. Paul, Linda and I have been talking about this lately during our lunches together. This group works! I don't even know most of your last names and you have become important people to me in the past 10 weeks. I knew the group would be an asset but I did not see this coming. Weird, but wonderful.

I hope we can keep some form of the community going "Post Project" as we continue to expand our undersatnding of wellness. This group inspires me and makes me recognize the power of community. Good stuff!

And thanks to Chris for leading this group. Linda pointed out the other day that Chris had made this group a very safe enviornment and I completely agree. His quiet but strong leadership is amazing!

In Search of 7.5

It is funny how a "point 5" can keep you mindful through a workout. "Is this a 7.5? No, I think this closer to an 8. How about now?" So this morning I am thinking how does a "low 7" feel different then a "point 5"? I stayed present and stress free for most of the workout- which is pretty impressive after the week I have had! That Chris.. he is soooo clever.

Race Commitment

While visiting my sister this weekend, we made a decision to do Lexington's Mid Summer's Night Run together later this summer. My sister, Cyndi, has participated many times but has not been as consistent since having twins just shy of three years ago (I can't figure out why!) and I have never done the race, in fact we have never done any sort of race together. I am not up to running yet so I think the last summer date of 8/15/2009 is perfect.

So this is for us, our commitment to wellness, for the ups and downs of life, and for sisterhood.

I hope someone warns the race committee!

Strung Too Tight

Wow! Great words of wisdom from Chris yesterday and spot on for me. I am strung a little too tight- my strings do break again and again and this relates directly back to my quest for wellness. A-ha!
Special thanks to the encouraging comments and feedback regarding my blog post over the weekend. It was a painful exercise but I got more out of it than I could have imagined. The thoughts fellow recruits channeled back my way were amazing and very, very helpful. I got the "situation" out of my head and I could really think about steps to make it better...not perfect...just better.

A WHOLE Hour a day- for ME?!

Part of my struggle with wellness is my need to nurture just about everyone but myself. I am very willing to give up time to do something for myself in order to do something for someone else. And while I do see the positive side of this (I think it makes me a good wife, step mom, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, co-worker, and friend), I also see the huge disadvantage it is for my personal well being (and my ability to be an awesome wife, step mom, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, co-worker and friend). So one of the biggest challenges I faced this week is the guilt, disappointment, doubt, feeling of selfishness and emotional fatigue. I only have so much time and I am faced with a lot of guilt when I choose to spend that time on myself. This is affectionately referred to as being "terminally responsible" in my family.
Last October I moved my 94 year old Grandmother here from Pennsylvania and into a memory care facility here in Center Grove. I am the only family member who lives within 3 hours of here so all the visiting falls on me and "my boys" (my husband and stepson). This is a huge factor in my ability to balance taking care of me and taking care everyone else. I mean how can you NOT make sure your GRANDMA is 100% happy? I think the first month of the Project worked out OK because the retirement home was under quarantine with the flu for about 2 weeks last month so it was one thing I did not have to do and although I did feel bad about not visiting, I knew there was nothing I could do about it. This past week my Grandmother has been very upset (unusal behavior) and wants to move in with family. She has threatened to stop eating if she cannot do so- the guilt and emotional fatigue have grown significantly. I did CHOOSE to workout Thursday evening after work instead of going to visit her- it was a small victory, I think, I am really not sure.
The other item that is pulling at me is my sister is in the process of separating from her husband. It has not been an easy separation (not that I think any of them are easy) and there are 2 1/2 year old twins involved. My sister and I always lean on each other. She in fact was a major supporter in me signing up for the Project. I of course feel the intense need to do whatever I can to support her and I will- but there is cost for that. But does that cost have to include my well being? Again, I am not sure.
Today's meeting did help remind me that part of growing is getting through these challenges- it really is about the journey. I know taking care of my well being puts me in a better place to handle "life's speed bumps" and I do want that. I have to get over the emotional impact of me making those choices and that is the hard part.
This easy to write- hard to push the "publish" button... but I believe in this community and the strength I will gain from this. Thanks for reading...here I go...

Hotel Meditation ROCKS!

I have found the silver lining to BTWG on the road- hotel meditation! I could totally focus! No dryer buzzer going off, or thinking of something to add to the grocery/errand list, no doggie playtime noises echoing all over the houses- ahhhhhh! Nice!

Sorry I missed the meeting on Saturday- I have been fighting some sort of bug. I actually slept through most of the meeting! I hope everyone had a good recovery week!

Month 2- BRING IT ON!

Tales from the road

I am out on my first business trip since starting BTWG and so far it has been OK. I was totally excited to loose my "safety net" of measuring cups, measuring spoons and scale just to challenge myself. I printed out the Subway nutrition info (you can find Subway everywhere and you can control ingredients was my logic) and I printed out the breakfast menu for the restaurant I knew I was meeting someone for a breakfast meeting. I pack (in my checked bag) almonds, raisins and LARA bars. Then, off to the airport...


I do not have the new Indy airport down yet. I feel out of my element. I could not find Subway, is there no Subway anymore in the airport? I decide to wait till I get to my gate to tackle the food challenge. I get there, it 1:30 pm and I am passing the "3" on the hunger scale and heading for a "2". There is Starbucks and Cold Stone Creamery by my gate- seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I kinda felt like I as on a BTWG game show where I had to find something healthy to eat in all the junk and the clock was ticking......


I found peanuts- 200 calories for about 1/4 cup and yes they had salts. I know, I got voted off the game show. I did only eat about 1/4 cup though. Lesson here: pack snack in your carryon bag! Duh!


Cannot find Subway at O'Hare either...


Long story short, I make it to Kansas City and no one gets hurt.


Today is easier- I little more control. I did order a salad at Panera for lunch and I knew upon first bite the dressing was loaded with sugar. I have had no sugar for 3 weeks so I have to say my taste buds did get a little excited. Once I checked the calories it was not tooooo bad- 520 for the whole salad. I will need to work on the lunch with franchisees thing- you do not know where or when you are going so I will need to try and control this a little more.


Subway salad for dinner- no cheese, no dressing and an apple.


Ahhh, Day 1 of travel eating accomplished. Now off for travel yoga and meditation...

An Apology to My Stomach

I have been mistreating my stomach for quite some time- overeating (daily!), eating junk and eating too late in the day. This past week has been a great eye opener... I can eat healthy and enjoy it. I can eat healthy and not feel deprived. And there is no guilt! It's awesome! My stomach is HAPPY!

I have a few recipes to share once I sit down and type them in. I will try to get that done in the next day or two.

Happy Week 2 to everyone! And remember to listen to your stomach!

Encouraging Words from our new President- no political views

Fitting quote for today, January 20th, 2009- Inauguration Day and 2nd day of The Project...

"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress."

Barack Obama

On the Eve of The Project

It just seemed fitting to name my blog Outside My Comfort Zone not just with the wellness challenge ahead but also blogging. I have read many blogs but never been a blogger- so we will see how it goes. The idea of "publishing" my thoughts and ideas on the web is bizarre but this could be fun, maybe liberating!
I am looking forward to getting The Project going full blast tomorrow. I have been "practicing" this past week and I already feel positive results.
I would like to say in my inaugural blog that the BTWG community has been tremendous. I can see already in this short time that this is a huge advantage. The Test Pilots, the current Recruits and,of course, Chris are amazingly positive and supportive. And I have to give a big shout out to my peeps Paul, Linda and Marsha who keep my focused. I just hope Paul does not really make me do lungs in the hallway at work.
OK- off to PLAN Monday. Good luck everybody!